Lit Bit

I just thought I would post a few pics of my spare room…it still isn’t put together all the way, but since I did get all my books on the bookshelves, I figured I would at least get a few photos up. Oh and my desk is in a few of the shots as well. I’m gonna make this quick because my pup wants to play…so here goes:

Once I get my room completely back together, which will simply take me getting to it and this room all the way put together, I might post some more pics…we’ll see.

    I found it interesting that people made comparisons between Swofford’s Jarhead and Land’s Goat, because I also saw parallels between the two memoirs as I was reading Goat. Is it odd that the two memoirs by men that we have read, have had similar styles with short and choppy phrases, with a very disconnected narrative? The reader is allowed to be there in that moment, but somehow the author, the main character, does not seem entirely there. Perhaps these similarities lie more in the fact that both these texts deal with excessive trauma, rather than the fact that they are written by men. There is also the parallel of dealing with the issues of what masculinity is and what it means to be a man. I also saw similarities between the military’s re-programming tactics and those of the fraternity as well.

    I found Goat to be a very sad read like many other people in my class did. I didn’t find myself to be depressed over it or anything, but it definitely left a heaviness. I think, for myself, the heaviness was more from an empathy with his struggles to overcome these emotional traumas he has endured rather than because the story was simply sad. I thought it had a bittersweet ending to it. It may not have been ideal, he may not have had this epiphany of a moment where he is suddenly all better, but that is the nature of trauma, it doesn’t just up and leave one day. You have to work through it. And I definitely viewed the close of the memoir as the beginning of him really starting to work through the trauma rather than around it.

    I liked Will and was completely shocked when he died. I honestly kept expecting Brett, Land’s brother, to commit suicide or to get in a car crash. I expected someone to get in a car crash with all the drunk driving that they did. That made me cringe every time they got into the car drunk. I can’t believe that Will was voted out of the fraternity at the end of the pledge season. Especially after the horrendous things they made him do. I thought that was just cruel. Do they really not give any allowance for differences in personality? I mean, they honestly can’t expect every member to be as loud, obnoxious, and cruel as the rest of them, can they? I know, that’s a huge generalization. I felt for Will though. I’ve never even dared to try for a sorority. I’m not nearly social enough. Luckily for me, I don’t give a shit how popular I am or how much of an impression I make on the university I attend. I’ll stay in my apartment, living alone, enjoying my small movie collection and a soda. I’ll pass on the group humiliation, thanks.

    The memoir Goat by Brad Land was a very interesting read. I actually found that, despite our differences in gender, I had a lot in common with him. It made me laugh to myself today in class, when a psych major mentioned some of the signs of anxiety disorders, like talking past the point of breath. This made me laugh cause I have a tendency to do this whenever I have to speak out in a class or in situations where I am not as comfortable. In fact it is frustrating to become breathless when I really want to make a valid point because I lose my focus and train of thought, because I can’t catch my breath.

    Besides that though, I often found throughout the memoir that Land expressed emotions that I have often been through myself. I found it really interesting that eventually for him, his fraternity brothers became the same thing in his mind as the attackers a year or so prior to his pledging at his brother’s fraternity. This paralyzing fear he had of his brothers seeing him on campus doing something he shouldn’t, this paranoia that they were always there always watching, was something that I could relate to. I guess being an extremely passive person myself, means that I have shared some of the same emotional experiences as Land had. Granted I have never been savagely beaten like he has, but I have had to deal with that paralyzing fear that controlling friends can have over you. Of course I would say now that they were never really my friends and I’m happy that I was eventually able to break ties from the, but at those moments, when you are wrapped up in those kind of relaitonships, it isn’t that easy to just walk away.

    I thought it was extremely unfair that people were judging him for not just walking away at the very beginning of the pledging process. There were so many factors involved in his circumstance that it wasn’t as simple as just quiting. Haven’t you ever wondered why some people just don’t leave behind abusive relationships? I see it as the same thing. The trauma that happens in an abusive relationship is very similar to what Land experienced during his pledging process. In this mental breaking down, where they work to reprogram you, he lost himself, and like others, began to think that he would be nothing without the fraternity. Isn’t an abusive relationship similar? Where the mental and psychological abuse has so much of an impact on those being abused that they have a hard time believing they are better off without the abuser? I’m no expert, but that’s what I’ve been told.

    I have to admit that listening to the interview he gave over the radio, I didn’t think he was over his anxiety issues. Perhaps better able to cope with them, but they were still there. And of course I would naturally expect an interview to cause some anxiety in just about anyone, but I think there was still an awkwardness and passiveness to Land that came through in the interview. I felt for him. I know what it’s like to definitely be more comfortable writing than speaking. When it’s necessary for me to speak in a public domain, I often become tongue tied and senseless. But give me pen and paper, and more often than not I can provide a fairly coherent piece.

    I found Susan Gilman’s tale of coming of age enjoyable and relatable for obvious reasons. I think the only real way that I related to it was the “girl” factor, and that she had experiences similar to what most girls have growing up. In that way, I was able to empathize with her case. I also generally enjoyed her sarcastic, cynical attitude. I find myself leaning toward those tendencies as well. Is there anyone who isn’t cynical these days? It seems a given with our haggard lives, doing too much in too little time, always going never stopping, always hasseled or hassling about something.

    I also think that it is her attitude that makes her so likeable, so human. I think if she was a happy go lucky, always seeing the brighter side of life, kind of person, I would be turned off. I wouldn’t believe it. I’d say bull shit. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about this memoir when we first started reading it. I had really enjoyed Jarhead and it’s cold, distant, brutal truth-telling style. I liked learning about something, about an aspect of life I didn’t know or understand; even if it is only one man’s opinion, it was still more insightful than my vague guesses. So when it came time to reading Hypocrite, and it’s very different style and content, I wasn’t entirely sold. But, happily enough, it turned into an enjoyable read, and a book that I am not angry I bought. There’s nothing worse than buying a book for a class and then you end up hating it.

    We had discussions in class about whether or not this memoir was a feminist text. I find that hard to answer…I find that my replies only suit “feminist” conditionally. I think she definitely expresses feminist ideas, and tries desperately to be a feminist, but I wouldn’t necessarily say that her text is promoting full blown feminist theory. I think it also depends on how you define feminism. I personally don’t consider sleeping around to be feminist, just because you are doing what you choose with your body. It makes me sad to think that these days, so many women think it is empowering their womanhood by abusing and manipulating their bodies. It’s not like I’m trying to say hey, abstinence all the way! or anything, but honestly, is the measure of my feminist quality really gaged by how much I expose my body to a casual lifestyle?

    Well, that was a bit of a feminist tirade, wasn’t it? I’m just trying to ask whether we can truly claim Gilman’s memoir as feminist or not, due to the varying definitions of what feminist is? Or maybe I’m just making this much more complicated than it needs to be.

    I find it interesting that people considered Gilman’s memoir as a story that has been told before. That female coming of age story. Then, we get to the memoir Goat and suddenly, because it is a male coming of age story it is something new, something that is never discussed. Is this a gender issue? I think so. Women…are, of course, naturally emotional and dramatic and talkative, so undoubtedly the female coming of age story has been told again and again and again, right? Is it feminist of me to find that offensive? I suppose I can’t really deny that it has historically been more acceptible for women to talk of their “feelings” than men. But it isn’t as though women were always allowed to talk about their menstrual cycles or having babies or taking a shit or farting. I guess I just find the whole distinction between the coming of age stories ludicrous. I feel that there are always going to be aspects of life that are expected to be kept in the dark in social terms. All these coming of age stories have their similarities to others and to each other, whether based on men or women.

    Maybe I’m just one of those women that doesn’t like to admit that men have their own social stigmas that they have to live up to or through. But that isn’t true. I know that and acknowledge it. So what is it that is bothering me so much about this. Perhaps it is the idea of the masculine taking away our feminine victimhood? Because women often are portrayed as the victims right? From rape to discrimination in the work place. Maybe I’m just not ready to give up my feminist spotlight just yet. Maybe it is still too fresh in my own mind the gender discriminations I encountered growing up. Maybe I just want my chance to relate and retaliate without my experiences just being thrown off to the side as a “been there done that” sort of case. Maybe.

I realized today that I had yet to post a February Screenshot of my ‘putey. So here goes:

The wallpaper is called Squared by Yamster32, which I found today, actually, on MacThemes. Since that was the case, it was easy enough to remember where I found it . Other than the wall, not too much has changed on my computer. Hopefully this weekend (including Monday, since it is a holiday for me (w00t! no work or school!)) I will get around to finishing my apartment and posting pics of the spare room at least. Hopefully.