Lit Bit

    Because it is absolutely necessary that this post happens, despite not really having much to say, here it is…. happening. But why you ask? Well, the truth be told… I must post this useless article because I bought a new white MacBook! Yes, horrendous splurge (sufficiently rationalized, of course). Anyway, in my excitement of having my new MacBook, I deemed it utterly necessary to get the feel of posting on it. Hopefully now I will post more since I’ll have a computer with me away from home. So far I have had a blast setting up and synching my computers.

    Another piece of news is that classes start up next week. I’m currently a mixture of excitement and nerves. It’s my last semester as and Undergraduate and I’m hoping that everything goes well… and here in come the nerves. At the same time I’m giddy that it is my last semester. Sidenote: I really hate those stupid Twix commercials that are just guys manipulating women and making them look like gullible morons…. Does anyone else find those commercials insulting? Where are the ones that the guys are duped in? Anyway. I just saw one of those commercials and I had to interrupt myself.

    My new MacBook has that new computer smell… a wonderful clean smell. Fresh too. I had fun in the Apple Store. It was nice to go in there, knowing exactly what I wanted and what I needed to do. The amount of people and the knowledge of the employees didn’t frighten me at all. It was a nice feeling to stroll in confident and secure in my choices and knowledge of the product I was buying. It made me happy. Naturally I was already giddy with the thought of buying this new gem, but the circumstances made the actual act of purchasing even more enjoyable. It’s not often that I feel comfortable or confident in those type of situations, so it was a nice change. Anyway, I really need to wrap this up and go play with my pup, Princess. Night all! (P.S. – I will post some pictures of my new MacBook later.)

    I know I haven’t been very consistent lately about posting much of anything between computer problems and the dull monotony of day to day life…so now I’m going to pick back up with some of my regular postings. Like the screenshots of my desktop… exciting, I know. Anyway, not much has been done since I re-installed Leopard OSX on my computer. I haven’t even customized the icons in my dock. I’ll get around to it eventually. Pretty much the only thing that has changed lately is the wallpaper, as usual. This one is Glare by Nando, which I naturally found on MacThemes, because I’m too lazy to look anywhere else for walls.

    Welp, that’s all for now folks.

    I think I broke my creative brain. My poet’s brain. While I haven’t exactly been happy with most of the stuff I’ve written in the past year, I was at least writing. But damn, as soon as I officially decided to apply to grad schools for a masters in creative writing, I was suddenly completely juiced. I mean, this hasn’t been just writer’s block, it’s been a serious mental road block that I can’t see beyond. Not that I imagine I will never write a poem again, that’s ridiculous. I’ve had some minor “successes”…success in that I wrote something down, rather than it actually being worth reading, but still, not enough to feel secure in my abilities.

    I suppose it is more like a serious case of stage fright. The idea that people will read my work and judge whether or not I am worthy is a daunting prospect for me. I’ve always hated competition, being judged, trying to fit a mould or outside one…I always seem to end up on the wrong side of the defining line. So basically, I’ve psyched myself out and my creative brain has gone into hiding. Too much pressure at once I suppose. Expecting myself to write 25 pages worth of new poems is rather intimidating. Not to mention the other things I have to do to even be considered for a spot in grad schools. It has just taken me awhile to figure out why I’ve been so brain-dead lately.

    Lucky for me, I’m going to be taking another poetry class this semester with a new prof and hopefully some other new blood (last thing I need is the dude that tells me my shit is “self-indulgent” around). My hope is that this class will help get my creative juices flowing again. I’m hoping to encounter new techniques and new styles. I’ve been in a bit of robot-mode this summer…work, home, work, home, work, home, etc. I’ve had time to do other things, but just couldn’t seem to get myself in the mind frame. Obviously not even for doing much posting here on Lit Bit, despite having read a few books this summer. But the clock is quickly counting down to my graduation, so that means I’ll need to go into overdrive and really push myself and my creative brain. Hopefully things will start looking up once I coach myself over this block.

    Being a part of the female culture, it is easy to get into the grind of exposing the difficulties women face in a male dominant society. Especially in feminist texts, the struggles women endure are front and foremost. A lot of Margaret Atwood’s novels deal with blossoming feminism, the pros and the cons of it, and The Robber Bride isn’t much different. Since the primary characters are all female, and the men merely play second fiddle, it is easy to see things strictly from one gender’s point of view.

    But there is this one point in the novel, short, but it stood out in my mind, that men are struggling for an identity in society as well; that their role has transfigured over time as well as women’s. Just like women struggle to find that balance between being mother, lover, breadwinner, and whatever other roles they take on, men are also struggling to fit into and out of those old categorical tags we place on them. In particular to this novel, Atwood points out that women no longer know what a “good man” is, and neither do the men. It seems as though we are all still trying to fit into these archaic filing systems, despite the changes that have taken place in modern society. Women are still trying to figure out what is really beautiful without being overt, men are trying to walk a fine line of maintaining their masculinity without being chauvinistic; we are all trying to color in the lines, but who knows where the lines really are.

    This just reminded that it is easy to be hard on men in general, and beat down their complaints of fitting into their gender role, because throughout history they have had more opportunities than women to express the difficulties of their circumstances. Naturally, this is an unfair perspective. Why hold the past against the men of today? They didn’t dictate our history and are as susceptible to the flaws and follies of modern society as women are. And it is generally an unfair assumption that they would have had opportunities to express their feelings more than women. We are finally coming to a point in some cultures where men and women are both allowed to express an unhappiness with the constraints of their gender roles. But it hasn’t always been that way for either gender. This was simply one of those instances where I was reminded that the structure of a society isn’t as simple as which gender is the dominant one. I don’t generally consider myself an intense feminist, but I certainly have my moments. I like being reminded of my moments of narrow-mindedness and ultimately remedying the situation.

    Life is just so much easier at times with labels, compartments, categories. If we all fit snugly into our designated boxes, then it is easier to see where we belong in the general construction of society. Of course, life isn’t so simple. So here we are, men and women alike, trying to find a place, whether it is gender-neutral or not. It was nice to get a sharp moment of perspective in this novel, reminding me that there are always two sides to a story, that every person has unique circumstances and that it isn’t as easy as I’d like to lump people together under a label. And that it isn’t so easy to toss myself in one category or another.