Posted by: beansai | November 27, 2007

All in all…

Well, Thanksgiving is over and I am back to school and work. Not to mention it is crunch time for the semester and I have a couple of ten page papers looming over my head, plus a slew of other minor things. It’s funny how the minor things add up so quickly, balling into one lump, ready to come crashing down on me at the last moment possible…you know, that moment when you think you have escaped, but alas, no.

I’m still not sure if I will manage a book review in the next couple of days. I should make an effort though, and I will…honest. I’ll save any poetry I have to post for December, though I haven’t been too happy with any of my writings this semester. It’s alarming how easy it is to be stunted in creativity. Even though I’m taking a poetry class, I don’t feel inspired to write by any of the exercises we do. Even the forced writing is coming out unnaturally. Somehow I’ve lost my voice this semester and nothing we have done has enabled me to find it again.

It has been a bit of a hard semester…aside from school I mean. Too much has happened in too little time and I know my brain is a bit muddled. Typically this state benefits my writing, but not this time. I think in the pairing of so much happening (and yeah, I don’t want to get into it) and the poetry class, I’m not ready to meet someone else’s standards. Perhaps the problem also exists in the fact that this teacher likes her style and just that. I mean, she’ll let you get by with something that is you, but she has a not so subtle way of telling you that she thinks you could do better if you modeled it after some American post-modern poet. It’d be one thing if I wasn’t taking another poetry class of her’s next semester. What am I to do? I’m on a time frame to graduate and I need the credits and I want the class, but it’ll just be a load of bullshit like this one. A waste of time, money, and my creativity. How frustrating.

Anyhow, enough bitching. My holiday was enjoyable all in all. Family gatherings never go over entirely smoothly, well not in my family anyway. It was full of wonderful awkwardness and such, but it could have been worse. My brother could have been there too, and there could have been plenty of yelling and fighting. So, in retrospect, it went well, very well and it went by much too quickly.

It was great getting to see my niece, after not having hung out with her since this summer. She’s a blast and a handful, but we love her. I wish things were better for her. I wish my brother was actually there for her. I wish at least one of her parents wanted her. I wish. Instead we have to settle for their obligated love, well not his, my brother’s. He is oblivious to her, though on rare occasions he feels compelled to see her, though not often enough for living in the same city. I have no excuses for him, I don’t want to have any. My parents have offered to raise her again and again. Provide her with a stable home, not this moving from one person’s house to another, to another, to another, to another. I think my niece has about five different rooms, in five different houses, that are labeled as hers. All this makes me so sad and frustrated…we just don’t know what to do anymore. At this point we simply don’t want to step on toes and do anything to push her mother away. We’re afraid she’ll cut us off…she’s done it to her own mother, though we couldn’t always blame her for it.

Sobering holiday. I’m looking forward to school only having a few weeks left though, and then getting back into the holidays again. Two weeks this year, I get two weeks for Christmas. I’m thrilled, utterly thrilled. I hope everyone else had a decent holiday or non-holiday as well. Cheerio, for now.

Our lil miss Gabby. It snowed a little at my parents house on Thursday night. That Saturday we did some shopping, which included purchasing a matching beanie/glove Disney Princesses set for the little one.

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