Posted by: beansai | February 15, 2008

Journal Entry #4

    I’m feeling annoyed today. I would like to have perspective and be insightful about some of the readings for my rhetoric class, but honestly, I can’t at the moment. Instead I’m feeling hazy and stupid. Perhaps it is a lack of sleep that I have been enduring lately…well, not even a “lack of”, more like an inconsistent sleep, thanks to my dog waking me up every few hours for one thing or another. I guess she sleeps all day while I’m at school or work or both, and come time for me to sleep, she wants to do anything but.

    I find it interesting that this semester I managed to take this rhetoric class that is focusing on memoirs, as well as a creative non-fiction writing class. I oh so luckily got stuck with having my short memoir due for the first round of workshopping yesterday in my non-fiction class. I suppose it went better than I had expected. I was by no means thrilled with what I had written and didn’t expect anyone else to enjoy it either. I would rather have had the opportunity to hear other people’s memoirs, so I would have a better idea of what to do, what to say. But, it went well enough I suppose. At least it helped having already read a couple of the memoirs for my rhetoric class, because prior to this semester I had read very very few memoirs.

    I have enjoyed this genre so far, though I tend to read the books more as fiction rather than non. Bad habit of a fiction junkie I suppose. I can understand how the popularity of the creative non-fiction genre is increasing. It’s always nice to read about other people dealing with the insanities of life, and then the comfort to know that it isn’t entirely made up, as it is with fiction (even if it isn’t, the label of fiction implies that it can’t be trusted as fact).

    To head way off topic here… I only have a year left of school after this semester. I’m fairly well decided on attending graduate school afterwards, though I can’t decide what for exactly. English obviously, but I can’t decide whether to go for a masters in creative writing or literature. I find that I’m not very good at research, at least I don’t think so. I also have a tendency to be oblivious as to what is going on in the world. I always seem to find myself one step behind, somehow never immersed in culture of any kind, neither literature nor creative writing or both combined.

    I found that I had the same problem as an elementary education major. Everybody seemed to have a grip on the politics of the education system…hell, I don’t think I ever even had a grip on the education system period. Speaking of the education system….I have an acquaintance that is an elementary school teacher, and just last week the school she worked for fired her because four of the other second grade teachers didn’t like her, and she simply didn’t fit in. Her teaching style was different, and despite her class having the top marks for attendance and reading, they let her go without warning. No probation, no second chances, just goodbye. In all fairness, I do believe this was a private school that she was teaching at.

    Hearing about this reminded me of one of the main reasons I decided to change my major and not become a teacher. Once I was in my third year as an elem. ed. major, and began working in schools, I realized that it was a breeding ground for gossip. It was like being back in high school myself, competing in the popularity contest. Well, I generally come off as cold and distant when I first meet people and have to deal with a new situation, so very rarely do I win people to my cause. Instead, I knew that I would struggle in such a stink-pit of regurgitated half-truths. I ate lunches with the teachers, I heard them talking. So, I decided to fold before I gave up all my chips.

    I think it is funny how the majority of people assume that I dropped an ed. major because of the kids. People are usually surprised to learn that I found the adults – co-workers, administrators, parents – more frightening than a group of 20 eight year olds. The kids I could handle, the adults scared the shit out of me.


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