Posted by: beansai | May 17, 2008

It’s about time….and then some

    I know! I’ve been horribly neglectful these past few weeks and I deeply apologize for my blogging negligence. I made it through the last couple weeks of school (and found out today that I aced all my classes :D) and have now been adjusting to a new work schedule this week, which will last my summer vacay. I’ve been itching to get back to serious blogging, but for my first week off of school I have suffered from some serious mental lethargy. But hopefully in the next couple of weeks, I’ll get back on the ball and start posting more.

    The weather was GORGEOUS today… one of those beautiful days where it is the perfect temperature with a slight breeze that keeps you from being hot. I even kept my windows open all day, despite my neighbors that smoke (gag!) and play their stereo ridiculously loud. I couldn’t resist the air and breeze filtering through the apartment. It was one of those days where I just lounged around on the couch reading and flipping channels. The kind of weather that reminds me of being a kid, when summers seemed to go on forever and there was always something to do (even doing nothing was doing something then) and I would run around the neighborhood without shoes on, feet getting black from the asphalt. Oh how I wanted to be a kid again today, get out of my own head, put off my list of to-do’s that I have for the summer. If only it were that easy to shut off my brain.

    Because I do have quite a lot to get done this summer. There is sooo much reading that I want to do and blog on. I’m even thinking of heading over to the campus library and check out some books to read for the summer. My little collection just hasn’t been calling to me lately. I’d like something new to read, something different. Which also means I’m definitely open to suggestions. I also have to start preparing my stuff to graduate in December as well as apply for grad schools this fall. I have to write a letter of intent for the universities I intend on applying too, as well as prepare a sample of my poetry, since I am aiming to apply for creative writing masters programs. Frankly it’s a bit overwhelming if I stop and think about it too long. Especially on top of everything else I want to do this summer. Like paint and draw and knit and crochet and read and read and read. And I need to clean clean clean before I can get anything else done…or at least I should, before I get anything else done. 🙂

    I know I have mentioned a few times already how excited I am at the prospect of grad schools and some of the programs I’ve looked into. Have I mentioned how scared shitless I am at the same time? I’m sure I have. I feel as though I’m setting my sights so high for grad schools and I can’t help but have that daunting fear that nobody will want me. My GPA could be better (though it is only lower because of my Elementary Ed classes that I stuck with when I hated the major) and I’m not the most aggressive, out-going type of person. I’m afraid to push too hard, but I’m afraid I may not push for what I want nearly hard enough.

    My biggest ambition for grad school is attending one in a different country. In the UK to be exact. I’ve looked up some Universities in London and I really really really want to go to them. It makes me squirm with anxiety and excitement when I think about the possibility of getting into one of the universities I’ve settled on. And part of me feels like saying this out loud to anyone other than my closest friends, this idea of going out of country for school, will take away the novelty of it, will somehow show everyone how ridiculous I am. Which is stupid, I know. There is nothing silly about going to another country for an education. Hell, my sophomore year at the university I attend now, I had a roommate from Quito, Ecuador.

    And I really want that experience. I really want to push myself out of my comfort zone. I’m too prone to laziness and stagnation. My creative mind is never going to produce anything without new stimulus. Right now is simply the perfect time in my life to do this. If I don’t do something drastic now, I probably never will. I tend to settle too easily, so what’s the harm in dreaming a little this time around? I have no attachments, no kids or husband or boyfriend or any such thing like that. Certainly not a job that is worth sticking around for. So, with nothing to hold me back (except maybe myself), I’m really gonna plunge into this and hope for the best (which would mean being accepted by my first choice in grad schools overseas) and prepare for the worst (which would mean being rejected by all the schools I apply to overseas). Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me, will ya?


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