Posted by: beansai | June 3, 2008

Mental Distance

    I felt compelled to post even though I should be getting ready for bed, thanks to an early workday tomorrow. But I think I need to get something up here on sadly neglected Lit Bit.

    I want to write, I really do. I’ve been dealing with a serious bout of writer’s block and every other kind of creative and mental block. I’m just not drawn to read anything, though I’m desperately craving a good read. I really want to write about the books I read as well as do some of my own writing and blogging. I just feel this complete disconnect lately. As though I’m simply wading through the days, allowing the mundane routines to swallow me, leaving me in a mental stupor that seems unwavering as of late.

    Everyone that I’m close to lives far away and that adds to this disconnected feeling. I have no one to bond with or discuss or stimulate…my poor brain is lacking stimulation. I figured for the first week after classes, no biggy, my brain needed to recuperate. But then another week of mental sludge tredged on and then another. So here I am now, a brain of mush and nothing to show for it (except some sweet bread I baked the other day). I suppose I have no one to blame but myself. I’ve never really made the effort to connect with people outside of classes or work. I just don’t know how to blend those boundaries of my life where I have snugly compartmentalized every aspect into it’s own arena. At the same time I hate this feeling of my days just passing by worthless and useless. Sure I work, I make money, I come home and repeat. I pay my bills and make good grades, but really, what is that leading to? If I haven’t got the drive, the courage to do something more than watch my life go by as I stare, eyes glazed, at the television, then what’s the point?

    Well I went a bit off topic there. I just wanted to say that I haven’t forgotten about Lit Bit, but I just haven’t done much of ANYTHING lately. And lately I seem to be full of nothing but excuses for not living. Ugh!



  1. I would tell you, “Go forth and make some friends!”, except I don’t know how to do that myself. It’s really difficult to relate to people :/

  2. Yeah, I can’t say that it has ever really been my forte. Oh well I s’pose. šŸ™‚

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